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Flash Fiction Friday Number 8: Laser Gun Wedding

It’s that time again. Welcome to Flash Fiction Friday. I don’t know why all my stories turn out so dark. Maybe I just need to embrace the fact that I’m just a little twisted. Anyway, I present for your reading pleasure…

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Laser Gun Wedding

He stood there at the altar, next to his bride to be. He couldn’t stop himself from trembling. His mother had once told him that his wedding day would be one of the most nerve-wracking days he’d ever had, but he’d had no idea it would be this bad. Of course, neither of them had imagined just who he’d be marrying either. He kept wishing his mother could be there. She was going to be so mad. Unfortunately, she was a couple thousand light-years away. Besides, even if she could have somehow gotten there, his radio was gone, along with the rest of his ship.

He flashed a nervous smile at his bride. Overall, she wasn’t bad looking for an alien. Her body and face were mostly humanoid, with the exception of a few extra protrusions on her forehead. He supposed he could get used to her scaly green skin. He wondered idly what it would feel like against his, which led to other questions about their “compatibility”. Did she even have the proper equipment to mate with him?

For the hundredth time, he thought about bolting, but he didn’t exactly have any place to go. Besides, one look at the laser rifle in her father’s hands told him he wouldn’t make it very far.

This had been his first mission as an explorer. He’d visited over a dozen desolate planets before setting his sights on this one. As he’d landed, he’d expected another barren rock like all the others. He took note of hundreds of holes in the rocky surface, but didn’t think much of them. The readings had indicated breathable air, so he’d left his EVA suit behind. As he took his first steps, the aliens had come pouring out of the holes. A troop of soldiers had quickly surrounded him, each holding one of those deadly looking laser rifles. He’d thought sure he was about to die until his bride had pressed between the soldiers. That’s when he’d proposed.

Not that he’d meant to, of course. How was he to know that staring at a female, mouth agape, constituted a marriage proposal on this planet?

They’d quickly dragged him into one of the holes and taken him to a lab of sorts where his brain was scanned. Soon after, they’d fitted him with a translating device. It worked well, but had the failings of most translators. Some words simply couldn’t be translated. When this happened, it would either find the closest word, leading to all kinds of hilarious misunderstandings, or revert to the alien language altogether.

In the week since his arrival, the lizard people had done their best to make him feel at home. Even making an attempt at earth food which he’d eaten graciously, all the time trying not to gag. His father in law to be had attempted to treat him like a son, despite his obvious misgivings. Still, once the translator made it clear that his upcoming nuptials weren’t a mistake, he’d tried to escape, only to find his ship was nothing but a burned out hulk.

He snapped back to the present. Everybody was staring at him. His new father in law gripped his rifle tighter.

“Uh, I do?”

“Then by the powers vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. You may now eat the groom.”

He chuckled at the glitch in the translator. The aliens must not have a word for kiss. Then he looked at his new wife. She stared back at him, jaw unhinged and moving closer. Rifle or not, he bolted. He only got a few steps before an icy blast hit him between the shoulder blades. The chill feeling radiated from the blast point and soon enveloped his entire body. He wasn’t hurt, but he was completely paralyzed.

He didn’t even realize he was being swallowed whole until her mouth closed around his head.

 

See, dark, huh? I hope at least some of you are as twisted as I am and enjoy it.

In other news, I’ve started making T-shirts on Amazon. So far they’re all geared toward writers, but I have some for book lovers in the works and will eventually be adding some generally nerdy ones. Check it out here.

I’m still trying to reach 100 subscriptions on my YouTube channel. I only need three more to reach my goal. Please check it out and see what you think. If you like it, I’d really appreciate your sub.

Your questions and comments are always welcome. If there’s a topic you’d like to see me address in my blog or my vlog, send me a message at any of these sites.

www.justinmkelly.com

Check me out on Facebook

On Twitter @JustinMKelly1

My Amazon page, in case you want to read more

On Goodreads

And on YouTube

I also post a copy of this blog on Tumblr

Don’t forget, I post Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Monday’s are a rundown of what I’m reading. Wednesday’s are my general writing blog, and of course, there’s Flash Fiction Friday.

Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on Monday.

 

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Flash Fiction Friday Number 7: Attack Of The Falcon

I’ve had pirates on the brain lately. In part, it’s because the theme of this year’s SoDakCon is Pirates vs. Ninjas. I, being a Pirate to the core, have been getting my costume together. This Flash Fiction Friday is an excerpt from a longer story I’ve been working on. I’m hoping to have it done and for sale by Con time. So without further ado…

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Attack Of The Falcon

As the enormous galleon appeared in his scope, the captain could see no one save the lookout high up in the crow’s nest. As the captain watched, the lookout’s own spyglass turned on the captain. Instantly a look of fear and recognition crossed the lookout’s face as he realized that he’d been sailing all night in the same waters as the infamous Captain Steele. The lookout immediately scurried down from the crosstrees to raise the alarms.

“Okay men, the battle is at hand. Hoist sails and strike those English colors. Run up our own.”

As the union jack descended one side of the halyard, a red deaths head flew up the other side. Captain Steele smiled as his crew saw to their weapons without the prompts necessary on most ships.

“Let’s give ‘em what for and teach ‘em what happens when they set sail with our gold.”

A cry of feigned outrage burst from the crew as they thought of the rich cargo held in the belly of the galleon just waiting to be spent on whores and stiff drink.

“Mister Trotter,” bellowed the Captain. Instantly the gunner stepped forward, ready for orders. “I think it’s high time we said hello. What say ye? Be careful mind ye, don’t sink her or there’ll be hell to pay.”

“Aye.” Trotter responded curtly, as if offended by the suggestion that he might miss.

The Captain smiled as Trotter saw to his work. Even with a battle close at hand, Steele couldn’t help but admire the artistry of his gunman as he lovingly loaded his cannon, his biceps rippling as he lifted the heavy steel ball into place. When all was made ready, the crew all but held it’s breath as Trotter lit the cannon’s fuse. The Captain once again raised his spyglass and saw his friend from the crow’s nest talking excitedly with a man that could only be the captain of the magnificent vessel. Steele lowered his spyglass and smiled as the fuse grew short. The quiet of the cool morning was rent asunder with an ear splitting “Boom” The crew watched in awe as the steel shot didn’t just cross the bow and splash harmlessly into the water but actually ripped the head from the figurehead mounted innocently on the bow. The gunner smiled to himself as the crew burst forth with a murderous cry. The blonde woman’s wooden head bobbed in the water, staring up in shock at her former body.

Once again the Captain lifted his spyglass, curious to see what effect his gunner’s marksmanship had on the crew of the other ship. They were close enough now that he could see the fear in the other captain’s eyes. He watched as his peer gave an order to the man standing at the halyard. The Falcon’s crew groaned in disappointment as a white pennant was run up the pole. Captain Steele knew what the other crew was in for at the hands of his men. The only thing they hated more than an enemy was a coward. Especially a coward in possession of their gold.

The Falcon was now within earshot of the other ship. “Do any of you men know what country flies a white flag?” The Captain asked with affected ignorance. He received no more than a couple of shrugged shoulders in response. “Very well then, prepare the grapnels.” A hearty laugh rose up from his crew as the grapnel throwers readied themselves.

As the Falcon drew up alongside of the galleon, Captain Steele gave the order. “Loose grapnels.” Instantly the three pronged hooks sailed through the air and caught hold of the other ship. The largest men of the crew grabbed hold of the ropes and slowly closed the distance between the ships. As the hulls crashed togetrher, the planks were laid down between the two decks and the men of the Falcon flooded the other ship with a murderous war cry. The majority of the other crew, still hoping for mercy, threw down their weapons. The ones that did fight did so only half-heartedly. Quickly losing any hope they might have had of victory as they watched their unarmed shipmates savagely cut down. The crew of the treasure galleon was quickly subdued and lined up on the deck of the massive ship. The wicked Captain paced in front of them.

“It is normally my practice to give defeated men a choice. Either sail with me and my men and reap an equal share, or learn to swim.” He turned to a young boy whose sea clothes were spattered with blood. “You.” The boy instantly grew pale. “You are the one who killed my man Johnson, aren’t you?” The boy bravely admitted that he was. “Very well, I shall need to find an adequate replacement for him. Do you feel up to it? I promise a full share when we divvy up.”

The boy smiled and saluted his new Captain “Aye sir.”

“Belay that, you are no longer a part of his majesty’s navy. Cap’n will do just fine.”

The boy promptly corrected himself “Aye Cap’n.”

Captain Steele turned to his crew “This boy wasn’t alone in his vain attempt to repel our advance, go through each man one by one. Each man that fought shall be given the opportunity to join us. Then, their first order is to throw the rest of these useless cowards in the drink.” That being said, the captain turned on his heel and proceeded to the hold to inspect his new found fortune.

 

And that’s that. I hope you enjoyed it. As I said, this is just a small part of a much longer story. I’m still not sure about the captain’s name. Steele is just kind of a placeholder right now. I’d love to know what you think.

Anyway, I’ll see you on Monday with another update on what I’m reading.

I’m still trying to reach 100 subscriptions on my YouTube channel. I only need three more to reach my goal. Please check it out and see what you think. If you like it, I’d really appreciate your sub.

Your questions and comments are always welcome. If there’s a topic you’d like to see me address in my blog or my vlog, send me a message at any of these sites.

www.justinmkelly.com

Check me out on Facebook

On Twitter @JustinMKelly1

My Amazon page, in case you want to read more

On Goodreads

And on YouTube

I also post a copy of this blog on Tumblr

Don’t forget, I post Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Monday’s are a rundown of what I’m reading. Wednesday’s are my general writing blog, and of course, there’s Flash Fiction Friday.

See you next time.

Leave a comment

Filed under Flash Fiction Friday, Uncategorized, Writing