That Debilitating Fear Of Success

Well folks, what can I say? I blew it again.

I really meant to post here regularly, but there is a good reason I haven’t been. I’ve been too embarrassed. You see, I haven’t been writing as much as I had hoped. I planned to come on here telling you I haven’t been writing because I was too busy.

Yes, it’s true. This summer has been particularly stressful for many reasons. At one point I thought I was losing my job, so I was scrambling to find other sources of income without having to sell myself on the street. Luckily, my boss changed his mind and decided to keep my position. Then there was my brother’s bachelor party and wedding. They were both fun, but planning for them and getting ready for them took time. I can only imagine what they went through considering I was stressed out about it and I live 1,200 miles away. I could make a long lost of things that have demanded my time this summer, but they’re all just bullshit excuses. I still had plenty of time to write. I owe you guys the truth.

I’m almost finished with a piece that I think is good enough to publish. The few people that I’ve allowed to read parts of it seem to love it. I only have a few pages left and I know I could finish it in a few hours yet I’ve been dragging my feet finishing it for weeks going on months.

The truth is, I’m terrified. Yes, I’m scared it’s not as good as I think it is, but I could deal with that. I’m really scared that it actually is as good as I think.

I’ve always lived my life as the lovable underachiever. I tend to choose jobs where not much is expected of me. When it comes down to it, I’m afraid people will really like my story and expect more of the same quality. Deep down I know I can produce more, but I’m still afraid of letting people down. I know it doesn’t make any sense but hey,  writers are supposed to be at least a little neurotic. Right?

But never fear. I’ve faced my demons and I’m back on track. Hopefully soon I’ll be able to write a post about my first real sale. Please don’t give up on me just yet.




Filed under Career, Future, Writing

2 responses to “That Debilitating Fear Of Success

  1. Congratulations and best wishes for your success 🙂

  2. MoreRon

    I’m sure it is awesome. I can’t wait to buy one of your books. p.s. long list*

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